Stop the Pain

Regrets..so many of them..Nerissa stood before the grave, hiding herself from everyone as she has come to do so often over the months, coughing up blood as her body clenches up from pain. They don't know how much it hurts her. Being wounded, but she doesn't care. She lets emotions build a wall to block the pain until its over and she's left aching terribly and finally collapses to her knees before it where the soil turned dark and muddy with her spilled blood. And all she can do is breath in deeply and slowly until it passes while the holes close and the bullets become fed upon, become a part of her. The ground starts turning frosty from the temperature dropping around her and she trembles as she leans foward further with a silent sobbing. She couldn't stand it. The name calling. The lies. She's not emo..they don't understand what she goes through. She tries to just turn everyone away anymore. Give them a smile and try to look..normal. Her tail coils up and she brushes her hand over it before causing it to disappear from view. Rat tail demon...she tries to laugh and only starts to sob again, burying her hands into her hair, rocking against the burning pain and the hunger rising within her now. And all she can do is fight it off or steal into the hospital in hopes to find something fresh to consume. She tries to breath and a hiccup lodges in her throat before she resumes bawling. Nerissa slowly comes to loath herself and what she is. Pieter's words biting in deeper then anyone's. She tries to dry her dirty face and is left with tracks instead, smears where her hand was useless them. To protect her new family..she was a joke. Useless anymore. To herself and them. Anger wells up and she suddenly moves, falling back on her ass and kicking at the tombstone, making it groan and crack as her heel hits it in the center...and the blood runs again. 'A bleeder'...yes, that she was. She did it to herself. She had reasons..blood magery being one of them. Her blood was strong and it come in handy..."Why can't things just be the way they were?" she whispers and is responded by a whisper, a brush of cold as the spirit rises from the grave before her and tries to speak. Leave it to the dead to try and calm her..perhaps if it had been her parents..perhaps...She sighs and shakes her head, murmured words passing from her to the deceased. The sadness in the spirit's face has her brow furrowed and she looks away. They come out more often then before, the deeper she gets in her studies, and she's always there to listen to them because they always listen to her like no one else. But what can the dead do?..Form here, she waits and the soft whispered discussion between the dead surrounds her into a sort of calm state, her crimson head nodding as if actually listening to each of their spoken words. Her lids draw heavy and she doesn't even know that they'd eased her down onto the could ground or that she'd passed out in the end due to the pain still within her. In this semi state of unconsciousness, Neri's hand lays against her belly, just barely showing a roundness, and finally falls into a listless sleep...

The sigh was quiet, or..well, she tried to keep it that way. She looks up from her book, that sadness still there in her bright blue eyes, the surrounding blackness making them stand out all the more. She felt an ache as always when she's alone but she pushed it down and fought to be patient. Was it sadness or just depression? Was this the way that She was going to get back at her? She kept coming back to his words, Her always bad mouthing about her to him. Again she sighs and shoves her hand up into her hair, eyes lidding as she tries to just wipe everything from thought and features again, not giving them the satisfaction of seeing what is going on with her. Turning back to her studies, Neri lightly taps her pen against the notebooks she'd been writing in and scowls. "Osoth..why did ya have to leave this last lesson open and then take off..damn it." She mutters under her breath then Neri shakes her head and turns to lean over the other large tome, fingers playing over the book cover lazily. The last thing he'd left her before he'd left Toxian City. Her own grimoire to put her things in and so far she's filled nearly half of it, albeit chaotically. Glancing around, she digs into one of the large pockets of her camo shorts and pulls out a large dark purple crystal. Looking at it. Turning it over as she lifts it into the light as if to see inside it. There's a small pulse deep within it, her magick flares up a little in response so that a pale blue white glow surrounds it and all she can do is sigh. The soul crystal still held one within it and she can't remember who it was last she'd used it on. Or when it'd been used. All she remembers is she was still part of the Shadows..and refused to rid herself of it. It'll come in handy some day in the future she expected. She lays this carefully before her on the table and next comes out another crystal from another pocket. This was small, the color of blood. She had several but it was one of the smaller one's she'd had on her person. She finds herself wondering if this isn't something like the kindred have been searching for. She's had them for a long time. Its what her own sire taught her long ago about blood magick. Propping her head on her hand once she's rested her elbow on the table, she lays it on the open page of her note book and jots down some things beside it, sketching the stone itself for some odd reason. Most of this information was written in english but she had made it possible that no one but she would be able to read what it all said or meant.
Nerissa finally slips away to go back to the shoppe, hiding herself away in the back with her tome. The crystal now lightly pulses as if it has its own heart beat and she's lost in thought from the far away look in her eyes even as she seems absorbed in her studies. But she's turning over the odd discussion she'd had earlier with one of the cybers. Confused why this furry being would want to talk to her even. Tapping her pen on the page idly, she looks up from it with a small frown touching her lips, more then a little confused. She shakes her head and whatever it is that is bothering her she puts out of her mind to finish her work.

Lies, Misunderstandings and Sad , Sad People

[[Warning. Please excuse the typos. All taken from a log of rping in Toxian City. Long entry as well.]]

Trying not to regret doing things. Trying not to keep running away. Trying not to withdraw completely. Was a standard warning and Neri responses out of habit and once there, immediately regretted it. The Shadows were outside, more gathering by the minutes once she'd arrived. They were bored and tormenting some of the coven females. All strangers to me..but her family name..Family...Are they truly family?, she thinks to herself. Listening to them, watching them from the other side of the group, and then that's when they turn their attention towards her.
Picket McDonnell giggles and claps "Oh look there is that slut Nerissa! I heard she fucks anyone... Hey alz why don't you go see if she'll blow you"
Christene Seelowe: now run along children
Alzreal Razor laughs "now now, even spineless invertabrits will defend themselves....these are worse then at"
Krismorel Nishi blinks at the words
Ares Mizin: okay, what's the deal Blue? What's everyone doing here? Blueray Darkes: We're bored
Ares Mizin: Did I miss a party invite?
Ares Mizin: Oh, well shoot, why didn't you say so!
Blueray Darkes: GROM BRING THE BEER
Krismorel Nishi snickers "people invite you to parties?"
Christene Seelowe: well if I felt the leawst bit threatened maybe I would defend myself
Picket McDonnell: Wewt block party!
Selene Hudson: ok here we go
Selene Hudson: race ya
Selene Hudson: i
Bun Barnes: ok
Selene Hudson: one
Its then that she decides to move, Nerissa dips her head down and moves foward, every intention of pushing through anyone in her way. Krismorel Nishi joins Picket dancing in the street
Ares Mizin: Pfffttt, who's up for party at the beach?
Belladonna Arbizu walks up behind the massive group, gently humming and chewing on a small bit of chocolate as was her trademark. She looked about strangely at the gathered group - noting the blue haired daemon she had met before "Rawr?" she exclaimed in an inquisitive manner.
Ares Mizin: Hoooo!
Dante Dodonpa gets a bit bored and darts in and out of the crowd
Blueray Darkes: *HOWL!!!*
Alzreal Razor laughs "sure you would...." he looks over to nerissa and waves a few dollas in the air
Blueray Darkes: Its party Thursday, break out the cold ones already
Ares Mizin walks up and puts her hand out for a beer, share bish!"
Blueray Darkes: Grom has beer
Nerissa snerks and spits on the ground before she turns away and walks in, leaving behind a frozen glaze on the ground. She'd had enough, every muscle in her body taunt and making her tremble from it before long. But, no matter how far she goes, she can still hear them and their ugly words. It always brings up the last conversation she'd had with Vulcan, "Never trust /anyone/, Nerissa. Not even your closest friend." And now she sits and sighs, shoving her hands into her hair with a tight grip, head lowered to hide her painted face and the strain on it to control herself and emotions that are just too strong sometimes. Picket McDonnell shouts back "Nerissa! You have a customer... and look he is willing to pay five times what you usually charge! a whole six bucks!"
Ares Mizin glances at grom, then holds her hands out in front of her, "I'm open! Toss me a beer!"
Krismorel Nishi glares at ares
Alzreal Razor shrugs and puts the cash back in his pocket..."Maybe i should have just asked for a freebie first?"
Krismorel Nishi clears her throat "have we not had this conversation?
Belladonna Arbizu shrugs as no one really pays attention to her and walks up the stairs to go inside.
Christene Seelowe: Bella ... sister why dont you come inside
"Sorry Sister. Didn't mean to push you out of the way." She looks at the door and draws her fangs out with a growl of annoyance. "Go suck on Jan, Bitch."
Dante Dodonpa kartwheels back over to Kris...tugging at her leg for attention
Blueray Darkes: Father doesn't like boys
Picket McDonnell: I'm sure she'd give it... she has done half the city from what I hear...
Nerissa flinches and shifts as soon as her body reacts to the words, trying to cover its effects. All she can think of is 'If I'm sleeping or fuckin' half the city, then why am I always on my own. Why am I always curled up somewhere alone.'
Ares Mizin puts up a hand to stop her
Nerissa shakes her head and turns, walking away from them.
Belladonna Arbizu smiles and nods, her cheek bulged out by a bit of chocolate she had stashed in her mouth "Okies"
Dante Dodonpa coo's and gurgles, beginning to vibrate
Grom Prevost glanced towards Ares with a bit of a confused look, then shrugs and starighets himself.

By now, she manages to make it to the back room, collapsing to the floor where she sits with a silent grunt. Cross legged, hands draped in her lap, she lets her head hang down so hair hides her pale face, the black lines criss crossing horizontally and vertically looking stark against her features. The glowing blue eyes are brighter with unshed tears and she fights not to let them fall. Everything she'd heard out of their mouths making her want to weep with frustration. She finds herself regretting coming back to Toxian City. Worrying if it was a mistake asking Arcann for a small corner of the Circle. Choi Zhangsun comes in, " Neri? "
"What do you want?.." she asks in a dead tone. Not even bothering to draw her head up long enough to look over at her.
Choi Zhangsun: Just want to see if you're OK.. if I can help. I dunno why those guys are picking on you but, it hardly seems necesary.
Alzreal Razor shouts "Wet t-shirt contest at the coven base!"
Nerissa shrugs as she hides her face. "I'm a joke to them. Weak because of what I'd rather do...then be like them." she says. "Rumors ... I don't know why I come back.."
Choi Zhangsun straightens her skirt and looks around a bit before looking back at Neri, "I haven't heard any rumors, but if it helps, I know how ti feels to be the target of their less than inventive insults. I don't really come around often myself, Shadows standing around hurling insults at you constantly gets old.."
Nerissa just shakes her head a little, unable to bring her face up. "Look..I appreciate what yer doin'..but yer wastin' yer time. I'm not worth the bother.."
Choi Zhangsun smiles a little, "Heard that before too, and like the awful words we both hear, I doubt that's really true either. But, I won't pester you. Just know, if you ever need a friendly ear, or someone willing to bust a cap in their asses, look me up." Nerissa slowly gives a weak nod against her arm while pulling her tail around her defensively, each breath a little shaky for a few minutes. "Yeah..thanks.." she murmurs.
Choi Zhangsun hears the quaver in Neri's voice and frowns. She sits quietly for a moment, then picks herself off the floor, kneels by Neri and rubs her back lightly and briefly before standing and heading out front.
Nala Seelowe pauses and smlles
Choi Zhangsun: Oh hi Nala.
Nala Seelowe: Hello Choi
Choi Zhangsun: How are you?
Nala Seelowe: Very well, thank you. How are you?
Nala Seelowe: Cute dress
Choi Zhangsun: Oh, ok, I heard the usual Shadow ruckus so I came to see if the shop needed defending. The others say there's nothing major though. And thanks!
Nala Seelowe nods, "Yes I saw them out there and came to see what happened."
Choi Zhangsun glances at Neri briefly, "Yeah, they're being their usual asshole selves."
Nala Seelowe nods, "Oh I know that one all to well." sighs, hugging her arms around her.. The memories still fresh.
Choi Zhangsun: Yeah.. It's gotten so I don't even want to be here anymore.
Nala Seelowe: I think I have to agree with you. the violence as tripled since i've been here
Choi Zhangsun nods, "It's not even the violence though, they've resorted to insulting everyone they come across. It wouldn't be so bad if they were at all creative about it but..Meh."
Nala Seelowe smirks some, "Yes, i think they've become school yard bullies." shurgs, "Oh well"
Choi Zhangsun: Well, it's all they know how to do. I feel bad for them in a way, being so unintelligent they can't think of anything else to do.
Choi Zhangsun grins.
Nerissa rises from the floor with a slack pale face under the painted strips.
Choi Zhangsun sighs as she watches Neri leave.
Christene Seelowe: hey blue if I give you some vodak will you go away?
Nala Seelowe laughs softly, "So true that is. Maybe I can go find them a book on how to be more creative."
Picket McDonnell laughs "Anyway I don't need to have a reason to want her dead... even though I do have one. I am a totally evil shadow. Didn't anyone tell you?" makes a grrr face
Blueray Darkes: Vodka?
Christene Seelowe: and take your uglu frirnd with you
Nala Seelowe: Is she ok to leave?
Christene Seelowe: yes
Ares Mizin looks at Picket, "Well, looks like she's a sister now, so you'll have to go through me!" She laughs, "So I definitely get to molest you now!"
Sinco Bing: GIVE ME!
Blueray Darkes: My family is sexy
Sinco Bing: where is it!!!
Flash Gottesmann: hey blue if i give you some vodka will you come show me a good time?
Choi Zhangsun giggles, "That woudl require them walking into the library, they might have a seizure from all the knowledge. I think so, they weren't physically abusive but.. I better go check."
Picket McDonnell: That's hot! But I'm still gonna get her skanky ass.
raina Acker: they cant stay forever soon or later they will leave
Blueray Darkes blanches at him, "I'm not a hamburger
Sinco Bing: hah trading body for vodaka
Ares Mizin looks at Blue, "You're just jealous becuase everyone knows the coven ahs the hotties!!"
Ares Mizin: *has
Blueray Darkes: Bite me
Sinco Bing: blue i trade you my body for yours
Picket McDonnell: Oooh seriously... you should bite her.
Christene Seelowe: I believe that id Alz job
Blueray Darkes: I like my body damn it
Choi Zhangsun goes to wakl outside but is distracted by the bubbles.
Sinco Bing: i didet mean lettery
Blueray Darkes: Hahaha
Sinco Bing: was talking behinde closed doors kind
Blueray Darkes: .... Sigh
Picket McDonnell: Why is that thing pointing it's gun at me?
Ares Mizin looks at Alz, "Don't make me get my poking stick!"
Flash Gottesmann: aww dont sigh
Alzreal Razor holds his nose "whew...smells like nasty vag here..." he sees choi and smiles "Oh hey there choi!"
Picket McDonnell: Didn't anyone ever tell you it is rude to point guns at people?
Ares Mizin snickers
Blueray Darkes hisses in a bad mood, "I'm done here".
Ares Mizin: ((who's got the gun out?))
Sinco Bing: blue!
Flash Gottesmann: yeah that reminds me of something my father said right before he died
Christene Seelowe: come back when you cant stay so long
Flash Gottesmann: "dont son that gun is loaded!"
Choi Zhangsun pokes Neri, "See what I mean? Completely uncreative."
Ares Mizin pokes a finger at Flash, "Oi! Get out of here with that thing. We don't allow pulse rifles this close to the shop. Put it away or get lost!"
Picket McDonnell giggles to alz "Look... babe... Choi is at it again... her mission must be to save tox one skank at a time... looks like neri is up first"
Ares Mizin growls, "My books are in there. Shit! My SHOES are in there!!!"
Christene Seelowe reaches ove and poke at Alz
Flash Gottesmann puts his gun away and manages to look bashful behind his mask
[2008/06/19 20:44] Alzreal Razor hold his hand up to his ear "Hm, i thnk i hear someone calling choi...it soulds like....barking!"
Christene Seelowe: ok tall dark and grusome take off
Vishous Nightfire raises an eye at Picket as she walks up
Ares Mizin smiles, "That's better, thank you honney"
Nerissa doesn't respond to Choi, standing with herself leaning against the counter.
Flash Gottesmann: aight ladies have a fine evening and if you see bella anytime soon tell her i miss her
Alzreal Razor laughs "Damn, thats alot of skankiness to work out of her..."
Ares Mizin: Okay Picket, you said you'd move across the street. Lets go....
Nala Seelowe: Okay Flash
Picket McDonnell: I'll move but that'll just start me shouting
Ares Mizin: Okay Alz, you too, lets go!
Ares Mizin waves a dollar bill
Picket McDonnell shouts "Nerissa, as soon as you get off your knees long enough I have something to tell you!":
Alzreal Razor laughs "Oh, i never agreed to that deal...ive found myself a nice seat here..."
Ares Mizin pouts out her lip, "What if I say please?"
Christene Seelowe: there now move
Alzreal Razor laughs and shouts back "Dont you know picket...its not nice for her to try to taklk with her mouth full"
Nala Seelowe: They are only over here because of the cease fire with the Ryders
raina Acker: only girls in the coven ^^
raina Acker: do we have male suport inthe group
raina Acker: ??
Christene Seelowe: yes dear
Nala Seelowe: Yes we do
raina Acker: i have only see girls ^^
Ares Mizin starts to tickle Alz mercilessly, "Move it sexy!!"
Alzreal Razor looks down at the red head stone faced and emotionless
Picket McDonnell tosses Ares some bandages "Better keep an eye on nerissa... I hear she is a cutter"
Choi Zhangsun crosses her arms, "These ladies asked you quite nicely to leave their shop."
Ares Mizin laughs, "That's blood magic honney, usefull!"
Alzreal Razor snickers "I wish me lawn my was like Nerissa...that way it would cut itself!"
Picket McDonnell: Oh look it is choi sticking her nose in everyones buisness... how shocking!
Nala Seelowe: Oh that'sso original
Choi Zhangsun: Oh look, it's Picket and Alz sounding exactly like a broken record and coming up with absolutely nothing creative.
Christene Seelowe: Oh they are nothing if not mundane

Alzreal Razor smirks at choi "So i heard you made knight...finally managed to sleep your way up the ladder huh?"
Ares Mizin: Be nice! Choi is here for the sleepover. I'f you're good, we may invite you next time!"
Picket McDonnell grins "Oh and that was creative? Love I have seen a four year old come up with better material then that"
Nala Seelowe notes to self to get the Shadows a gift of creative school yard comeback
Choi Zhangsun: Yeah Alz, I succeeded where you failed. Go me.
Ares Mizin rolls her eyes, "Okay, enough you guys, you're killing my buzz."
Picket McDonnell giggles "He can't take it as far up the ass as you can... or your husband can... nice pics of him by the way. I loved how you had your strapon jammed up there"
Christene Seelowe having a hard time staying awake with all the witty reparte
Alzreal Razor laughs "what made you think i wanted to move up? io was only there to gather information before i left that pathetic grou"
Choi Zhangsun: Wow, again, repeating the same boring insults.
Christene Seelowe yawns
Choi Zhangsun: Tell you what, why don't you two go put your brains together and come up with something original and THEN come back and pick on me and try to make me cry.
Ares Mizin: Okay, Alz, I got stuff to do. Seriously, time to go. We'll party later!!"
Alzreal Razor smiles "Im not causing any harm here..."
Christene Seelowe: go ahead Ares
Christene Seelowe: nothing here to worry about
Picket McDonnell grins "Maybe we will get better when you give us more to work with... I mean it is true that you only got where you are because of jon... and it is true that you are a nosey bitch but there isn't a lot of substance to you.. I mean whine whine I have got to save every sorry skank on the planet just cause it gets me attention is so tiring... babe.. get a life and a personality and stop being so damn need"
Picket McDonnell: *needy
Ares Mizin: nite all
Nala Seelowe: Night
Alzreal Razor smirks "remember when i told the shadows to cut off her ears cause i knew it would fuck her up good...that was a god idea i had huh love?"
Picket McDonnell laughs and nods "And it totally worked"
Choi Zhangsun looks confused, "So what if I did get where I am in the group because of Jon? At least then I know I chose wisely. And since when has helping people been an attention-getting device? Now you're grasping for straws Picket, try again."
Alzreal Razor: /smirks "To think....i actually had them all believe i cared about them" he laughs
icket McDonnell giggles "Oh choi hun you know it is true... if you REALLY wanted to help people you wouldn't get in the way and alway make things worse by flaping your mouth off. You are an attention whore and EVERYONE knows it."
Christene Seelowe: well as sintalating as this is I have work to do inside
Choi Zhangsun: Again, Alz, you're boring me. Now, these very nice ladies have asked you to get going, please respect their wishes.
Christene Seelowe: come sisters
Yes I think there is some cleaning
Nala Seelowe: Hello
Choi Zhangsun: Oh hey Denny, just some general assholery, nothing new.
Hearing that name spoken, she couldn't help but stop breathing, actually trying to listen to what's being said. There was one person she had not expected to come down but when there's trouble, there's always an Omegan near bye. Listening, recording, observing...and for a long time..she was one of them. She sighs and rubs her face, up around her horns, as she feels the room spinning.
Christene Seelowe: Raina join us
Christene Seelowe: inside
Choi Zhangsun: Well, these nice ladies have asked Picket and Alz to clear out, and they don't seem inclined to. Shocking, I know, and now they're trying to hurt my feelings with boring insults.
Nala Seelowe: me sits on the rug and chill, watching Ner carefully
Christene Seelowe: well that went well
Choi Zhangsun grins at Denny, "I'm sure, but I appreciate the compliment."
Nala Seelowe: Its nice to see you again Christene
Christene Seelowe: Nice to see you
Nerissa hasn't said a word for some time now, the lack of anything showing on her face making it hard what it is she's thinking about.
Christene Seelowe: Nerissa is all well ?
raina Acker: why dont you tell choi to come inside?? she need some support
Nala Seelowe: She hasn't said anything since i've been here
Choi Zhangsun tilts an ear behind her, catching the conversation, "I'm fine guys, it's OK."
Christene Seelowe: I will check on her sister
Christene Seelowe: if you are tried of this Choi you may join us inside
Choi Zhangsun points a thumb at Alz, "He's still on teir steps, and I'm not the one who asked them to leave, the ones who live here did, I'm just giving them a hand."
hoi Zhangsun smiles at Christene, "I'm all right, these guys can't hurt me."
Christene Seelowe shouts: NO but they might bore you to death
Christene Seelowe: Ok give me a sec to prepair a report
Nala Seelowe pulls a few well tucked away bobby pins from her hair. Placing them on the pillow next to her. She re-pins her hairs so it appears short, looking to Raina she speaks. "How are you tonight?"
Choi Zhangsun waves at Dev and Miho, "Hey guys, just having a friendly conversation with these two." She turns to Denny, "I was out walking and noticed some trouble with Nerissa so I stopped to see if she was OK since, the awful mean words from these two were breaking her spirit. The Coven ladies asked them to leave, they refused, blah blah blah."
raina Acker: if i have a weapon i would kick their asses out of here
Christene Seelowe: no dear that is just what they want
Nala Seelowe: Yes it is
raina Acker: yeah you are right so stay calm
Choi Zhangsun: Again, blah blah blah.
raina Acker: ^^
Choi Zhangsun: Do I know you?
Nala Seelowe: Its best to ignore them or kill them wiht kindness
Nala Seelowe: with*
raina Acker: hahaha thats true
Choi Zhangsun: Which one would that be Dev?
Nala Seelowe: Plus they are only here cause they can't pick on the Ryders
Choi Zhangsun: I think you need to mind your own business kid.
raina Acker: if choi stay outside they wont never leve cuz all they want is hurt her

The strain gets to her, Nerissa's body taunt with so many emotions, her stomach twisting and knotted up. She lays her hand over her belly and rubs absently with a frown, pale face staring off after escaping upstairs. Just trying to escape what's going on outside as the voices follows her, and a few of the coven women...
Rosuto Kanami: sighs alreaight then
Nala Seelowe: We aren't aloud up here
Rosuto Kanami: liek it really matters tho whats gonna be said will be said
Choi Zhangsun: Not if I'm ignoring you.
Nala Seelowe: Unless another brings us up here
Rosuto Kanami: lol it still will be said dumb ass
Siannah Ihnen: i'm sorry i was just looking, and the door was open
She sighs, looking over at the unfamiliar woman briefly, but Nerissa is still stone silent.
Denenthorn Masukami turns to Choi still holding the hourglass towards Picket "Choi can you run along to the church, I'd be happy to handle this"
Nala Seelowe: Its ok this is a private area
Siannah Ihnen: i am new and unfamiliar
Rosuto Kanami: u know dev i dont see where i began talkin to yoru dumb ass
Nala Seelowe: Its ok
Nerissa turns from the window and stops moving as she looks at Nala and then the one unfamiliar to her. Her body shudders as she fights to control shaking limbs and starts to pace.
Siannah Ihnen: i can leave if i must
Siannah Ihnen: but can you tell me where i am?
Nala Seelowe: I was allso speaking to The other up here also
Nala Seelowe: YOu are in the vodoo shop
Siannah Ihnen: i am sorry if i am intruding or trespassing
Nala Seelowe: Sisters come on you are going to get in trouble being up here
Christene Seelowe: Nerissa .... what is worng
Nala Seelowe: Its ok miss
Nala Seelowe: Blessed be
Siannah Ihnen: what is this place?
Siannah Ihnen: the shop
Siannah Ihnen: i'm not that much of a neophyte
Siannah Ihnen tries to take in the information
Siannah Ihnen: so when you say mystic ...
Siannah Ihnen: do you mean magical?
Siannah Ihnen looks on wide eyed
Siannah Ihnen: wow, there is no magic where I am from
Siannah Ihnen: just science and facts
Siannah Ihnen: thankyou
Nala Seelowe: So there was no magic where you came from?
Siannah Ihnen: none at all
Siannah Ihnen: i suppose you could say some of the science was like magic
Nala Seelowe: intresting
Siannah Ihnen: to the uninitiated
Siannah Ihnen takes out her notebook and pen
Siannah Ihnen: i hope you don't mind if I take notes
Siannah Ihnen: you see i'm writing a book
Nala Seelowe: Well we do have books you could look at in the shopp
Nala Seelowe: ok
Christene Seelowe: let me check out front
Nala Seelowe: Thanks sister
Christene Seelowe: all clear
Christene Seelowe: Nerissa?
Nerissa leans against the door with her arms behind her to cushion her tailbone.
Grom Prevost is as well as he kicks a few pebbles from the street.
Denenthorn Masukami smiles darkly "Why don't you go find a kitty cat to torture..."
Nerissa glances up at a familiar voice and turns her face down again to look away from the street infront of the shoppe, at the few there gathered outside still. She can't remember how long she stood there before finally able to escape, all Shadows gone, a couple of her Sister's talking together. So, she slips out and soon enough finds herself in her lover's arms, the Nephilim that refused to let her go even when she tried to turn both him and the Angel she loved as well...Now, he is all she has to go to. To hold her when she wants nothing more then to give up and die, talking to her to pull her from the Abyss she so frequently slips into...Here, she finally slips into a dreamless sleep, in his strong warm embrace that tries to chase away the perpetual cold of her small form now limp in his arms. Here, the broken little demon slips into another place of twisted dreams, until nothing but a beating heart to show she still lives as he tucks her up against his body and protects her in her troubled sleep.

It always calls. No matter how much you want to ignore it, you feel the pull and you end up being back before you even know it. Now, I find myself in Haven again and looking around at mostly females. Most semi familiar but still strangers just recently started dribbling into town. Now...all I can do is sit in the chair surrounded by so many chairs but only holding a single soul..mine. Sighing, my head drops to my hand with eyes puffy from the tears that ended up coming after having a fight with an old friend. I can't stand myself..I try so hard not to heap all the blame on myself but the words that are spoken to me..I'll always feel nothing but blame. Everything I do ends badly. All I do I realize is hurt so many. My eyes itch from the tears burning to control and trying to wipe at your eyes and sniffle makes it hard to not be noticed. But I'm ignored which is all good. I don't care what she said to me..I'm not there seeking attention. I don't want their attention. I don't....No..no..we can't dwell on shit. No...no...we're not going to go back there and start feeling sorry for ourselves. We're going to put on a smile and look normal. Don't look them in the eye..they'll notice.

My eyes shifts towards the windows to my right and I find myself looking towards the library again..so many times I stands infront, aching to go up those steps and get a book. Sit in the chairs I miss...but I can't. I want to but I can't..I'm not welcome there. Least this is what I feel. And she's made it clear I'm not wanted around. She can protect him all she wants..I'm tired of hurting those I care about. Keep a distance. That's what's best. Stop being scared. Stop worrying about the possibility of someone showing up. I've not seen them yet so I doubt I'll ever see them again and every time I open up that damn photo album, there they are to bring back the memories and feelings. No..they'll never understand and I'm going to always hate myself for what happened.

No...they're not going to be around for me to worry about. Not going to just step out of the library anytime soon. Its been easier when I don't stay long there. My visits lessening because of my stupid fears. Only one person now that wants me and I can't fuck up this time. I can't loose this one..

"Damn it. Stop it. Just stop now." My own voice sounds raspy from trying to control my emotions and before long my head tips down into my hand and rub my eyes to dry them, to hide my face from those around me. "Your a demon and you'll just keep doing what you need to do. Get stronger. Forget the pain. Forget the anger." I hate the sound of my voice I realize and give my head a shake. Sighing, I find myself dreading the time I'm by myself. Stupid head. Why can't you just shut up. I start thinking then a thought comes to me. Do I have my knife on me? I wonder if there's anyone around the cemetery because I have a need to cultivate some shrums again..I think its time to kill the pains and stop being so damn emo.

Its its to think of stupid things when you're on your own and this is how I spend the next few hours, slipping out of the bar over to the graveyard, where I dig around for the mushrooms that made me freak out...Perhaps its time to lock up the humanity and embrace the beast more.

A Shining Light at the End

It'll be another day just like the last. Stand around the city, inhale the annoying fumes around, listen to all the noises going on. The explosions, the gun fire. The screams and shouts. She just stands there watching with a slight detachment by appearance.After a while boredom has to set in because she moves finally and heads off for Haven, the sound of the music pulling her like a mad piper taking over the world. There's a little activity inside. Some dancers up on the poles, a few at a booth, and she sets herself in her usual spot infront of the dj booth. As always, she just lets it go, her body moving to the beat whether she knows it or not. Even if she looks funny, she doesn't seem to care. Its her way of distracting her from her problems or anything else that may bother her. The sadness is always there when she's alone but when she feels the familiar waking mind her head lifts and is looking out the huge windows of the tavern. There he stood, on the other side of the road, poised and it sets her heart to racing every time. He stands out so much, the tall hard planes of his pale body standing out against the dark clothing, the vibes she can most definitely feel rolling off him makes her immediately stop what she's doing and dart out the door at a neck breaking run and slams none too gently into that towering frame while throwing her tone slender arms around his midrift and hugs like there's no tomorrow. The grunt of surprise always brings her a smile, slipping under his sight so easily, and she sighs with relief when his strong arms closes around her body and crushes her small frame into his. Painful, yes, but so very welcome to feel his love for her conveyed this way, as if he can't get enough of her and fears she'll run off. Yes...she can't help but love this single devotion of his for her. Basking in the warmth of his love and blazing under his desire.

They go to Haven and there he starts to dance. It puts color to her cheeks and her fingers clutch lightly at her collar as she seems mesmorized. This goes on until finally her body begins to move itself up against him, tucked perfectly, dancing while her fingers grips his hips as they move to the music. She is his heart. His soul and she feeds his hunger with a wave of everything summed up within a nova's glow. Never has she looked so happy, a smile that touches her eyes even, the small demon showing affection for him even in public of late, and she's never done this much the entire time she'd lived in that city, even if she wanted it. Her own little Heaven for the time they spent together and then all too soon he had to return to the Dream Lands. And, even then, she is still smiling as she is left on her own; though the time was short as she finally turns and heads out of Haven.

After some time passed, she manages to come across someone she'd been meaning to talk to, glancing around as she walks over to Arcann, Satori of the Coven. He must of knew what she wanted when she sat down, already waiting for her from a previous 'discussion' not too long ago they had. Now, she's all nervous looking and skittish again. Filled with uncertainty. "Okay, I'm gonna keep this short and sweet. Straight to the point." she says and his response is to chuckle. "I don't expect anything different." He tells her. She glances around again and then turns back and blurts out. "Have ya room for one more in yer midsts?" Again he's chuckling and nods, leaning foward to talk in hushed tones. Yes, he's been expecting this it seems for some time. And she's left in awe when he smiles and welcomes her to the coven. "I hope you don't mind starting as an apprentice." She just laughs a little and shrugs. "I've been an apprentice to one or another for a time. Even before Osoth kinda disappeared, I was his student for necromancy. So, naw, I ain't got any problems with it." She still looks shocked he agreed to it and gives a sigh of relief while chattering of small things before he leaves. A few minutes longer and then she too leaves, heading off with a sleepy look to seek out the nest and her incubus.

Static

Not sure if the broken television will ever change its image. Or how long one will sit there staring at it blindly, shadows dark under the lifted eyes, a slight hollowness showing in soft youthful features. Neri had been in and out of Haven atleast four times since she'd arrived to the city and now she has herself tucked way in the back and just watching the skipping image of fuzzy snow and blurred images. She almost looked human again..almost. The ram curl of one set of horns still visible but the second set was hidden under the raggedy cap she had tugged down over her eyes nearly, the black hair peeking out looking unwashed. One would think she'd seen better days. The only time she spoke was to a Shadow she didn't know fairly rudely when he sat at her table earlier, now it seems she seeks solitude or just trying to escape herself. After a bit, her head falls sideways to rest against the back of that big couch but never does her eyes leave the television's screen. What did she see in it exactly? Memories? Just a mess?

When she yawns, she bares long fangs of glistening ivory, and then lids her eyes with a sadness slipping over her. Alone, it seems all she does is retreat into herself, barely responsive to those around her any more. Her small pale dirty hands moving in her lap like a butterfly with wet wings and unable to fly away.

Here she seems to finally drift off asleep with the thrum of music echoing in her bones with a longing for the one she gave up so much for. An ache to feel his strong pale arms around her as she tosses and turns in dreams without warning. To hold her and whisper words to her that makes her body relax. Tonight, she sleeps alone, again in exhaustion.

Memories

I didn't know a sneeze could hurt until I stirred up all the dust laying all over the boxes I ended up digging out of storage. I also didn't realize just how much junk I had; stuff of my own collected and stuff left from my parents' life. Now, I sit here, digging through them slowly, hair tucked up under a baseball cap and smudges of dirt from across my face down to my old teenie boppers. So much junk..wow..I can't believe I have so much junk. This is mostly what's going through my mind right now, taking a break with the boxes I could get to readily enough, chewing absently at my lip with a fang.
The first box was broken things, babbles, knicknacks. Even a bag full of rocks. I frown and look at them in confusion, pushing around the few in my palm after pouring them into it. What the hell do I have these things, I think to myself, feathers? Rocks? Leaves...there's something about the leaves that makes me pause, a small furrow between my fine ashen covered brows. A shadow stirs in her mind, a pair of glowing sunlight eyes looking out, white whiskers in a black muzzle...Anei...I find myself wondering where she is now, that pooka that seemed to always watch over me until one day she's just gone. A soft sigh and she goes back to her rummaging with flinting thoughts racing through her head.
The second box proved to be most entertaining. She found a doll made of wax, carefully wrapped up in white silk linen. It was a spitting image of her when she was a little younger..now, the body was broken and her fingers brushed over the destroyed limb. I remember this..you were to hold me instead of the other way around. And you did for a while. I think this was the first time my sire had actually inflicted bodily harm on that night. The doll was clutched to tightly to my chest and his eyes flared with anger at what I'd done. I stood there emotionaless and uncaring. I hurt people..I shunned other's..and all I wanted to do was lock away all the hurt I couldn't bury when I lost my hellhound..sighing...will I ever forget him? Stop wanting to be his...I've moved on. I even managed to love other's. But seems none of them ever worked. I still wish at times I'd kept running. Never let them get close. Never care..but it happens. A smile actually comes to my soft petal lips suddenly as if something specific was there in my forethoughts. Oh yes..there was definitely someone in my thoughts that moment and the warmth spread through my cold body like a wild fire. I still think I smell him even over all this nasty dust that clogs the nasal passage and wonder if this is really what it means to be inlove with someone utterly. I give a small chuckle. Always running away, never can keep my thoughts on one track.
Box after box I open up, my little area now cluttered around in a semi circle where I'd set things off to the sides. Boxes inside of boxes. A total mess yet still there's something of a plan to it all.
I found one small shoebox buried under some clothing I'd outgrown a long time ago and blinks. Inside, there was a cup with some kanji written on it. I remember this..it was the first cup of catnip tea I'd ever drunk. Laughing to myself, I set it back then find a small colorful book nestled inside with other papers that held doodles, names and other unledgable things. Its when I open it and thumb through the pages that I'm more then a little surprised. It was a diary I'd had started a long time ago. Actually, not long after I'd started finding myself in Toxian City more and more each week. A small scowl plays on my pale features and then I snap it closed and pocket it actually. Maybe it'll prove amusing to read what I'd written so long ago. I know I've changed but I try not to think just how much.
Looking around now, another small break, gives me time to really take in all the things I'd collected through out the years. The books, I can finally put them all where they belong, the bookshelf won't look bare anymore atleast. Rubbing a forearm under my nose, I turn and roll onto my knees, tugging another box towards me. Inside, the contents make my eyes sting and my eyes takes in the photographs heaped within. The family I never knew. My parents when they were growing up and enjoying one another's existance. I can see I look a lot like my mother but there's my eyes looking back at me through my father. My finger lightly brushes over the glossy snapshot of when my mom was huge. I can only imagine that's me inside her. I never heard about having any other siblings and Sieran would know I'm sure since they were all friends. I still find that a shock..all those years. Of not knowing who I was and stuff and he comes to me so long afterwards to talk to me. I still don't know how to take it all in but..over all. I owe a lot to him. He's saved my ass one too many times too. I find myself missing him a lot. His teachings. I love him too I realize. And even if I'm no longer his childe as once I was, he'll always be my Sire. He's done so much for me. I let my eyes wander over the photographs again, mind trailing off this way and that as it's want to do, and I just let it go where it will.
It takes a few more hours but I finally manage to resort things better. Put them into things that are much more airtight and safer, finding places for them on other shelves..but for the photos. This I keep and take up to my bedroom and make a decision to buy a few photo albums. I find myself wondering if my Sev would want to go and smile, figuring I'll talk to him about it. A nice little outing for us in the mortal world.

Vallachia - Journey's End?

[[This is the opening story to the new rp sim I've been frequenting. The character is someone totally different. A young irish woman in the early 1200s with the brother of her mother and his family. Here in this new land, they move to be anew. For her, its so much more.]]


The ship rolled over every swell and it seemed only to bring further joy to the small figure at its head, a light storm that causes the wild curls of fire to become plastered as well as the linen dress draping the young woman's wiry frame. Behind, the deck hands run about doing what is necessary to ensure a safe passage through the storm before it has a chance to become a squaller, casting harried glances towards the woman leaning against the railing. Behind, "Nissa! Come away child! Before your death you catch in this ill cold rain!"
She casts a look over her shoulder, spotting the silohette of her aunt framed by the light cast in their captian's room where they were to dine soon. The woman bites her lip as she looks out across the white frothy caps raising the ship and finally with a sigh turns and makes her way with a wane smile of apology. "Yes, Aunt Meridth." She murmurs on her way past, ducking under the arms that were about to hug the young woman. Since the death of her parents, she's let none get closer to her since, a forelorn young woman with heart sickness at the loss of those most dear.
"Nissa, please. Do be reasonable." Her aunt says behind her as she manages to throw a dry, if not itchy, blanket about the girl's shoulder to try and dry her off. Or to appear more proper and not some primative waiff she's more then not appear so.
A second figure comes in through the door behind her, clasping her on the shoulder. "Nerissa. Girl. Get yerself into dry clothes and ready for meal. You put a fright in yer aunt when yer out there in such weather. And, " He gives her covered shoulders a squeeze, "And, unfitting a girl of your age." Her uncle rumbles in his deep baritone that makes her shiver every time she hears it.


Running could be heard, up and down the docks, hands taking away cargo and crates, herself trying to stay out from under foot as she stands watching off to the side while she waits for her uncle to finish business. The red head turns as Nerissa looks around, the smells of the new town making her nose tickle but it was a huge improvement to her last arrangements; sharing a small cabin with her cousins was not fun, especially waking up to feel a set of hands on her more then one time. The last she got a happy little yelp out of Rupert when she managed to elbow him in the nose, the sound of a crunch followed most satisfactory.
The late hour manages to lightly tug at her, yawning into her fist, she finally turns and looks towards her relatives before she finally joins them as bid with a sigh. Why must she remain with them and will she forever be under their care until the day she's wedded off? And the thought of that..will that day ever happen? She looks down at her gown and smooths the wrinkles out but to no avail, the trip was not good on her favorite outfit or perhaps she'd finally outgrown it even. All the comments behind her back about how she's growing up and would fetch a pretty price for her looks alone. She loathes her uncle's greediness but always stays silent. How many days has it been since she'd actually spoken aloud? How long has it been since her parents were laid to rest in the cold frozen ground. Nerissa's heart clenched up in her chest and shoulders sag slowly before she feels a hand press up against her spine and a murmured, "No slouching dear. Spine straight."
The young woman looks over her shoulder at her aunt with furrowed red brows and then away with down cast eyes, fingers clasped. She was just waiting for them to finish and a chance to seek out a hot bath she'd been promised since docking the boat. Chewing on her lip, Nerissa turns her attention back towards the men working, eyes of blue taking in everything going on.
So distracted by things, it nearly knocked her forward to her feet as something struck her from behind. Harmless but it caught her off guard and she spins around to see what it was..The man that passes her was a towering figure, his pale skin stark against the dark ebon hair that hung down. Nerissa stands transfixed in place while everyone else around her moved, as if the world stopped for her or she just blinked out, eyes watching him moving away. It took her uncle calling her full name a fifth time before she blinks and turns her head about hurriedly, looking wide eyed at him before she nods and moves off to join them as they prepared to take the stocked wagons and head to their new home.

Seated on a trunk's sturdy bulk, the young woman just rests there with her big blue eyes staring blinding off, deep in thought and ignoring the leering jibes of her cousins in the other wagon. She wondered if she was ever going to feel as if she's part of their family, relatives or not. With a heavy sigh, arms tucked in her lap, she finds herself once more thinking of the strange man she'd seen back at the dock. Not even an apology was noticed out of them but in the end, she just shrugs to herself and finally focuses on her surroundings.

Shoved Back a Bit Further

Dock was empty for once, no worries of having to work through standing people waiting to leave and come into the city, the usual tang of nasty fumes burning one's nose no matter how long one's lived there or visited. Maybe one would get use to it more if one remains there, but Nerissa finds herself unable to remain long anymore. There were no sounds of gun shots going off. No clang of blades striking against one another somewhere down some secluded alleyway. She stood and waited, as if afraid to go further, pupils a sliver of black in a field of winter cobalt. In the end she ventures outward and passes out of the dock house to walk towards the library. Such an old habit and she caught herself just as she was ready to set a boot down on the first step. Her eyes lifts and stares at the door then her shoulders fall and she turns away to venture around it, through the alley that comes out infront of Haven nearly.

Standing. Waiting. Slow deep breaths. She was so intent on staring ahead, through windows that's been broken so many times leaves one to boggle why not invest in bulletproof sooner or later. But she's seen the strength of others. They had no trouble, most likely, ever being kept on one side of that glass. Its the voice that snaps her out of her daze, that familiar drawl that makes her body clench up unconsciously, gaze falling slowly to the street before her after hearing, "Can't stay away, eh?"

Nerissa refuses to look up or at Omega, before saying, "....guess I'm a sucker for punishment..."

The vampire put her slightly on edge, still unsure what to think, inspite of reassurance that the harsh words spoken not long ago that made the demoness weep without control for several days. She didn't understand what Nerissa was going through. The decision wasn't easy nor was she wanting to but knew what was best. It didn't take long for Omega to say, "Sucker for attention more like." Her crimson head shaking back and forth.

She couldn't stop her limbs from trembling or her stomach to feel suddenly as if there was an iron ball in it, the one woman she'd looked up to..her words cut her like a knife once more. Already, the vampire walked away from her, the CEO of Omega Institute..her home for so many years before...Her thoughs close up and she shakes her head with a sigh and turns, Neri's heart in her throat and the demoness again in that state of wanting to give up.

Never had she come for attention from anyone. Toxian City had been her home for so long, where she grew up practically for several years. She come in hopes of something familiar again, seeking what she missed so much. The wedge of pain lodged into her soul, loniness squeezing so tight that her body ached from it. She didn't seek attention..she only hoped there were still a few..even one..friend left she could trust. Talk to..but only one seemed to be there for her and the thought of him eased the pain. Her fallen angel. Her heart's keeper.

It was this last thought that had her head back to the dock to go and seek out her heart's desire, the one that fought to keep her when she tried to even let him go to end the pain and torment of her mind. Refused and held so tightly with whispered words of his need to have her, the desire to hold her small body even as she tossed and turned in a tormented sleep fueled by fears and emotions. Here, she returns not to her home but to Dreams...a new haven...and his arms does she seek, for he is the only one that wants her and refuses to give up on her as she feels so many have done with her already.

The Longest Road

The day seemed longer then usual. It was hot and humid out as she stood on the second landing, leaning against the railing with fingers absently picking at paint cracked and curling with age. It was absent, her mind, as usual, elsewhere. A scratch to her scalp around a horn and she turns herself, the gentle curve of a hip all now that cushions her against the hard metal that kept her from tumbling over the edge with the leaning. Now, lost in thoughts, brought her about and moving back into her home. She doesn't even look at the bed still mussed from her sleep. Why does she even bother with it. Sleeping....Her eyes wanders the room and then she snatches up a bag heavy with books and other bits and pieces she needs, dressed normal in jeans and a tank top, flip flops on her feet. She worked hard to conceal her true looks, the horns no longer there for the moment, the eyes that look back at her in the mirror the same vivid baby blues she'd been born with. And, though still fiery red, the curls where shortened to just under her ears and flipped up at the ends in a fly away. Even the old emo glassed she wore was perched on a nose lightly freckled even when she's the color of shadows walking.

She sighs and pushes away. "Off we go then..." Her tone low and quiet, still filled with sadness. There is a moment a smile strays to her lips, the thought of someone there. She could still smell him on herself even after a long bath it seems. The strong arms that holds her when she dreams, the play of his hair tickling her face when he happened to look upon her. The burning ache his lips would capture her's. She always found herself trailing a finger over the markings that graced him, flick of her manicured fingernails against a hoop of the shiniest silver she'd ever seen. The sigh that comes forth the second time is one of wistfulness. Even the thought of him put an ache in her that she'd come to engulf almost hungrily as he would her love for him now a days. Leaving her, as always, amazed how he could want her so badly.

By the time she'd stepped out of her home, hours was spent in wandering. She carried with her the money left behind by her deceased parents, an account shown to her by her Sire long ago, and she spent more on the old books that called to her from their hiding places. Even now, her home was filled with more then she could possibly read but each one seemed to be marked by her from bits of strings to bookmarked slivers of notebook paper. Even post-its carefully tucked in on pages with scribbled words sprawling the colorful little hidden paper squares. Day drew on and by noon she stopped to rest back at home, collasping onto her bed with a groan and stretching herself out. Not even a chance to kick her shoes off and she falls. Drifting swiftly to dreams. But these are not ones she cares to have. Knowing what was Dreaming and of natural dreams when the mind needs a moment to rest itself. So deep and locked that she never moved in that long hour of torment. The adonis with the silver hair that looks like spun spider's webbing when it stirs, sculpted body battered and pale that always made her fingers flex to touch. His eyes haunted and beautiful at the same time. In slumber, her body stands with him along with others. Some familiar and made her heart ache even then, those she thought were family at one point, one that was a stranger stood now close to his side and it made her wary. In this, she saw the looks between them. It was her worry that put this image there. That he might of been attracted to this strange woman and hurt her so deeply that she flinched from even the deep sleep, leaving her shaking and disoriented yet heavy hearted with the memory still vivid of what exactly woke her up. A soulful cry escapes. So many worries. Fears she tries to not let control her. All too human emotions, a demon with a soul, tearing her a little each time. Its this way that tells her how she feels about him, the ache all too strong to be in his arms right now and be reassured. It took half a day before she got this desire and her body would melt in those muscular arms that warmly held her limp cold body close to his chiseled chest later.

A new day and her mind is at ease. These fears of the previous day softened but always there to torment her gently. But this time she had a distraction, a new city discovered, an old familiar smell at the tip of her tongue while she walked with her past. The dark figure moving beside her, talking as if they'd never been apart and her, thankfully, able to withstand the past becoming present once again.
The talked and nothing more. Exploring this new city he joined her, strolling side by side. The hell hound was good enough not to bring back the pain he caused what seemed years but not only a single if even. She'd look at him, totting this huge carrier back behind her, each step making the heavy thing bounce against her curved backside. She was eager to get home and loose herself in its voice she realized as it drew her from his presense, nodding now and again in a semblence of attention. Commenting as need be. For once, her heart was not into it and the late hour finally called him away, leaving her able to return home to hearth and bed. There, she falls into a quiet slumber, locked once more in a fetal position. One body in bed, the spirit sprawled in the Dreams with her cast angel holding her tightly.

Bitter Cold

Does the blood of another cause memories of their past life linger in one's body even after they're gone? Or maybe pick up traits that might of been theirs and display them unknowingly? Neri's mind shifts through things, lost in her inner thighs, with a furrowed brow. She sighs, leaning on a hand, while sitting under the canopy of a palm tree and staring off again it looks like in posture. Or, she wanders to herself, have I always been this way? Wandering. Is wandering any different then running away? Her head lowers slowly until chin lightly rests on a shoulder, chewing at a lip gone dry and cracked a little. The air barely holds the chill of her body and her normal pale skin is almost translucent now under the fall of full day light. But inspite of this, she never feels a bit of that heat on her. Her eyes are restless as her body is, finally focusing on things before her, mostly around the ground, but not really 'seeing' what's there. This goes on for a bit, her losing herself for a few hours, sitting there hardly moving. Not even the tail which usually is seen to dance behind her wildly is stilled, lifeless, where it lies on the sand. After a bit of time she's standing up and then there's a small pop in the air as her body disappears effortlessly.


Later, that week...

Shadows part from one another, a body moving slowly along the empty rooms. Checking one at a time. The floors are littered with old news print, some leaves that managed to find their way in when the door had been locked tight and all windows proved to be sealed and sound. Before long, a pale blob shifts and pulls away to expose the demoness in her wandering, hand touching a wall and leaving a light smear as if the tips of her fingers are wet. Her steps echoing faintly through the house, sighing to herself as the head of red curls turns one way and the next, looking over everything. "I should of just stayed here.." she says to no one, just talking to herself or even the spirits that may once of inhabited it. "Sorry, guys..for bein' just another disappointment.." She gives a silent jerk of a humorless laugh. "Even to my dead parents I've never known."

Stopping in the middle of a narrow dark oak hallway, her body slides to the left until it strikes the wall beside her roughly in colliding, leaning with just a slight shift as she slides down it a bit. She lets her head fall against it then, the hard clatter of horns connecting echoing more then the first sound. " I've ruined everything. My life..others'...I've lost almost all my friends and ..." Her eyes drift closed as she feels the burn of tears threatening to spill. Taking a deep breath, she works to control herself for now. "...I wish you guys were alive..I need a mom..I need a dad..I need to know what the hell I'm doing anymore or what I'm going to do.." Slowly, her head rolls down and the brow horns dig into the paneling as she sniffs, hand disappearing up into the fall of her hair hanging down around her face. "..Everyone seems to die or I push them away. Or lose them because..." She quietens down and pushes herself up off the wall. "Mum...why did ya guys have to die?.." she asks in a choked whisper while she begins to stumble forward with feet dragging almost.

Through the house she makes her inspection and comes to an end. Maybe house is the wrong word. The factory was large, more then enough room for just her. Somewhere new to hide out? Her blue eyes slide around the largest room in the place, pupils a sliver of black in the overall blue field, barely none existant in the dark. She has some fingers tucked into the front pockets of her jeans, standing a little pigeon toed in a comfortable slouch. She can just imagine someone telling her straighten up. Then the memory of someone else climbs into her mind's eye to say 'Chin up.' Chin up...she feels as if she'll never be able to keep it up, unable to look at anyone for long, totally closed off.

Its been hard to hide this from many she manages to visit, the few that still ask her to come around. The others she is afraid to be around almost. And her growing angry because she gets afraid. The anger burns her stomach and standing there, the air around her chills slightly. A shift in the temperature for but a few minutes before it disappears. She almost looks normal standing there too. Almost...the horns crowning her brow and further back shout 'demon!' The hair that seems to hold light of its own so that it glows and glistens as it shifts around her shoulders and face. Atleast the tail has been hidden away and her skin is normal if not still so unsettling in its paleness. The light mapping of veins showing under the transluscent skin darkening slightly with the slow beating of her heart. The glasses stand out darker even if its possible for something black and her clothes are rumbled and dirty if not normal looking.

Slowly, she turns around and inspects the room again with a heavy sigh, nodding about something. "I guess..for now.." she says aloud. "Bed...need to find which storage holds my bed.." This way she continues, talking to herself. A habit that she'll never loose most likely for as long as she lives.

Constant Discord

Pacing...its all that ever comes. Months, days, hours...years. All there is to do it seems it pace, wander. Constant motion. And when there's rest....All she wanted was to be happy. To be loved. Was it too hard to understand that she only wanted was to be one? The sand burned under her bare feet and the glare off the water brought tears to her already red eyes. Do demons cry? Seems all she ever did was this anymore. When was the last time she'd been truly happy? Her heart always heavy. She'd sat on that boat but months back and stared at a picture frame until her stomach hurt and her heart turned heavy. Seeing one pale face after another...always the same. How could she compete with someone like that. She thought what she did was the right thing....and all she did was alienate everyone around her even more by her choices.

Eyes burn again but this time the tears are of another thing entirely. She turns and sits at the edge of the pool and looks down, watching swimming the life it holds as her cheeks become damp with those tears. She kept seeing one face then another..even now her heart was pulled two different ways and she found it so hard to handle anymore....all she wanted was to be loved by one..to be that one's ONLY love...Shoving the heels of her palms into her eyes she tries to stop the burning, the itching that the tears brought. The heat..Her shoulders slump and she gives a soulful sigh. "I am so sorry.." Those words is something familiar on her tongue though so many finds no reason to believe and she wondered why she even cared. A demon shouldn't care what others thought. A demon shouldn't have to put up with things...a demon shouldn't care at all...yet she did..does..and always will..

Her friend..how she missed her. The lisp, the cheery moods that she always was in. She found herself feeling homesick...Home...is there such a thing for her? How long does she have to run away. Run from those she hurts. Those she loves..thoses that hurt her...Again, the hands rub at her hands and she finds herself bursting into tears. This time their harder then just the memories of fallen dreams. Twisted hopes...She glances back over her shoulder at the one that keeps her now. Not a master or a slave...the pale features closed in slumber, hair of snow fallen over his cheek as he lies there. Demons and angels...light and dark...she felt like she was caught in the middle, not sure which way to go. Severus had always been kind to her. And she was full of curiousity...she tried. Tried to tell him to leave her. Those words.."Not worthy of anyone's love." still burned in her mind as she stood there listening to her tell her this, the one person she looked up to, and deep down she wondered if it was true.

Restlessness. Pacing. Here. There. Wandering a path. Walking a mile. Restlessness.....She didn't even know she'd risen and begun to wander around, circling the spinning pool, gone to the fire to watch the salamanders feast on ash. If she'd thrown her heart in there, would they die of corruptness? A dirty arm wraps itself over her chest, the ache so deep it felt lodged with a spike. A demon depressed. Ridiculous yet there she stood, proof. She'd never be happy...she hated making choices. She hated caring. Loving. Emotions.....why couldn't she just turn them off?!

Nerissa finds herself further down, not even realizing she'd jumped off the ledge to travel to the lower portions of the Dream. Was it a dream? Or..was it a nightmare? What was what? Why?...Her thoughts couldn't stand still because they always turned to the one that'd longed for. She wish she'd had more patientence...why couldn't she of just waited. Accepted she'd never be just one love...A demon wanting a monogomous relationship..She was a fool now she sees. Denny come to mind again and instantly her chest tightened up and she drops to the sand, slumping so stringy curls spilled. Maybe, if she'd sit there long enough, under the sun, she'd bleach away to nothing but bones and bits of threads and tattered clumps of dull red hair. Maybe, if she'd sit there long enough, the ravens would come and peck on her until she was nothing but a pile of bones and a broken mind...

"I don't want to hear anymore sob stories. I'm tired of it." Those words still cut into her. She tried to keep her thoughts to herself. Tried not to think of his words afterwards and then the sand under her holds drops of darkness as more tears fall. She should never of let herself be comforted when she was just so lonely. Never should of let herself be held. Should of left when she felt all her friends turn her backs on her. Shadows pulling away and making her feel a pale shadow of who she use to be. Her red rimmed eyes looks to the right and spots the book still in the shade, the tattered, thread bare ribbon sticking out like a faded tongue. She sniffs loudly and rubs her eyes dry once more to focus them better. "No pain no gain..." she whispers to herself and looks down at the curved blade strapped to her thigh. Fingers pulling the straps to free it, she still could feel its kiss against her skin when she drew it across. Bleed the pain out. The misery. The heart ache. To...just...bleed away what she is..