Saturday, August 30, 2008

Another Lonely Night

The music always calmed me, letting my body move around, guiding the limbs into their own rhythm while I would twist and spin around. A deep thump in my chest that had nothing to do with the beating heart. For the first few hours of the party I spent on the stage, just mostly enjoying the evening growing later, having a few friends to keep my mind off things. But the later it got, left but with a brief moment to feel him holding me...Sighing, my thoughts stray and I'm left feeling utterly alone again. It swallows me and I feel myself sliding. I wait..I force patience this time. I don't want to be alone and I don't want to give up..Can't help but feel those dark thoughts nag at me, pulling at my heart strings.

I feel the burn in my eyes, the light blurring and coming brighter into my dark pupils as they collapse more from the well of emotions then the shine sinking light into the pinprick of black.

The music carries me. I leave to take care of some quick business and here we are again, dancing with tears streaming down our face. The shadows covers my face thankfully and I just keep my head down while I move around, mostly keeping my back to the others around me.

I try not to think of dark stuff. Put on a smile for them. Laugh at their jokes even as if there's a ball of despair in my belly that feels like a heavy weight. Am I always going to feel alone?

The hour is late and its too much for me. Hard to say how long the party will last in Haven but its time to give up. Go home..bury your head under your pillows and pray for sweet oblivion and dreamless, longing sleep...

....where are you my aingael?....

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Something to Sink my Toes Into.

Around her sat her Sisters and Brothers, new faces and old familiar faces that she's finally getting to know as if for the first time. And perhaps it is. To think how long she'd lived in Toxia, all she'd gone through. That's a long time to not learn who your neighbors were. Guess that's what happens when one's considered anti social. And she dwells on this little idea brewing in her mind before a smile touches her lips as she listens to them chatter and laugh. To see so many get along together. Feeling no hatred or jealousy even...well, she laughs to herself as she thinks it over, that's not true. She's felt a few flicks of it in or around the shop.

Nerissa's still a little shocked. Now that Arc is giving up his status and leaving us, Kaya pregnant all the sudden..That was such a double shocker for the demon. She was right about calling it. Crouched down beside the vampire that was hunched up on the ground, sitting and just radiating nausea that even she had to block out everything around her just to keep from hurling on the street. NOT something Neri would want to happen, again, in a million years. She's not sure but it was just something in more the way Kaya acted that made her to ask. Was a lot of snapping from her afterwards, [she] couldn't. Him an elf and her a vampire. But Neri's seen others before..but Kaya actually went to see about it and my thoughts were confirmed. She and Arc are in for twice the fun. Yes, folks, TWICE the fun. Biting her lip, Nerissa muffles the laugh as her mind wanders around. Kaya having twins. Who wouldna know?

Pulling her thoughts back in, concentrating what was being talked about, a sudden cheer from some of the girls has her smiling while her cheeks heat up with a blush that has her dropping her eyes and grinning sheepishly as they made fun of her response. Promoted..Doesn't seem all that long that she had one that made her an alchemist. Even though that wasn't her only use. To think about it, she didn't even think they had anything specifically to the darker side of ritual magic and such. This random though has her shrugging to herself, having wandered off in a daze outside for some fresh air. It was during this time, kind of pacing back and forth infront of the stoop, pacing infront of the stairs.

Last night kept coming up. Her whole day had been fairly messed up while she thinks about it, unable to settle on just one thing. But she knows this. She's managed to get her a teacher and it made a lot of the tension ease out after talking to them about it to confirm after the last conversation had blew up in her face almost. But its settled. Things are gonna be good. Curling a strand of hair the color of 'carrot' around her finger, Neri's mind continues its wondering until she's completely forgotten what she was thinking in the first place and ends up turning around to wander back inside the shop to hang with the others.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Unexpected Visits

She lifts her chin, staring at her neck in the mirror, rubbing the marks there bruising her pale skin with a sigh. There's no way she can cover it up, the long dark smudges showing clearly finger marks that had nearly crushed her windpipe. Neri grimaces and tugs up her collar as she falls back with a frown, still mulling over yesterday's activities. What turned out to be a decent day turned into a roller coaster. A boring morning of wandering about the city, watching people and such. She looks at the phone and thinks about the talk she'd had. Bringing back memories and stirring up emotions she'd rather kept buried. Groaning from the aches she still feels, she shifts and drags herself over to her bed, sprawling across it with a hiss and second groan.

It's been a while since anyone had bodily picked her up and thrown her against a wall, every bone aching, wings still screaming from the collision that nearly knocked her out. He caught her totally off guard, that strong hot hand at her throat to pin her there like a squirming worm. She never could never best him in a fight and now she'd been held there dangling while her eyes swam with stars as her breathing was cut off, hot breath burning on her face while he hovered there inches from it with cutting words that made her want to weep, kick and scream in denial. That ichor that filled her mouth..her tongue still felt numb by it and her skin felt like it was on fire but every time she touched it, it was ice cold. His blood will always flow through her veins..maybe this is what made her different. Not just having her soul ripped out but the feeding of his blood so long ago. The second death..or was it the third? Nerissa couldn't remember a lot of things, no matter how hard she tried. Pain blocking out those moments and sealing them away like it'd never happened.

Arms grabs pillows up at the top of her bed and drags them down to herself, burying her face into them, smothering herself intently for a moment as her mind is washed with flood of memories. Vulcan...was she really the reason for his falling? She wanted to ignore his words, even the desire to be forgiven for his past aggression. She dwells on his words, "They said not to trust you. You only used people." Nerissa felt ill and turns her head, hugging her pillows under her chest, wincing again as muscles protest across her shoulders and back. She's never used anyone for personal gain..she asked for him to change her. Hell..dwelling on it, she was insistant and demanding of it at the time if he didn't accept her first attempt to deal him a boon. An escape that led her to today and she wonders now if she should give up on her attempts to change what she is.

Neri's torso lifts a little and she turns her head to look at her desk, the books sprawled over its surface, papers stacked and hanging off the sides haphazardly. The largest she cherishes, her own grimoire that Osoth had given her to record her findings and such. Now...she's offered a new teacher..several actually, and finds herself trying to figure out what to do. Would they have the patience for her and be willing to teach her everything? A little sipher that sucks up not the power but the knowledge...needing to learn that its almost her single most thought. So lost in thought, she jumps as her cell goes off and reaches outward for it, feeling the slight sting of it slapping into her palm when she 'pulled' too hard at the small thing and answers to the sound of her brother. With a silent sigh, she lays her head on her pillows again, this time turned over to lay on her back, to talk to her family...

Sunday, August 17, 2008

At a glance

Wandering around the floating island, the sound of running water pulls small feet towards it and Nerissa climbs onto one of the larger rocks rounding the whirlpool to kneel so she can look into it, letting her gaze relax until the sun shining over the wavering ripples gives way to a blinding sheen that makes her pupils expand as she adjusts to it. A calm and opened mind is all it took and she's looking intently at shadows shifting over the light. Each slow breath bringing it into focus until she's seeing not shapes but actual figures moving. This is how she watches from the Dreaming, learning what goes on beyond and in the waking world of man. The sparkles playing over her lightly tanned skin as she moves her gaze at the figures moving around. Familiar ones, Lorne...some coven members with a few unknown faces moving, talking. Her brow furrows as she leans her weight on her hands, trying to figure out what's going on because its all she's able to do but watch, like a television with a broken volume button stuck on perpetual mute.

She chews at her lip some and sits back again on her legs while she still keeps her eyes on the images before finally breaking from the trance to think about the stuff she saw. A long heavy black feather rests in her delicate fingertips and she brushes it along her chin and across her cheek, the smell of not something but someone clinging to this obsidian object that catches light against the microscopic quills to pain a rainbow on each strand. It always fascinates her as much as gives her a reason to smile. This feather is only one of so many cherished objects she holds in her possession and finally she presses it into curls as she picks herself up with a yawn.

Even though it looked like the middle of the day, she felt drained and tired as if it were the wee hours of the am and she ached to seek out the bed. And, tis exactly what she did. Wings tear from her shoulder blades, gritting at the pain it actually brings her when she does things like that, and with a sudden run and leap, she drops off the edge of the floating land to catch a good lifting wind to push her towards one of the other islands. The snowy ground of pristine white draws her in and she sweeps around to catch it in passing, dropping down and dancing across the slippery ground to a skidding halt and drops the wings to fold up behind her as she walks towards the large tent that is going to be her sleeping quarters this time. Everything around her holds love's essense and she always feels comforted by it, going to collaspe onto the flooring of rugs, pillows, furs that soon lull her to a restful sleep.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Going where Needed

The water looked beautiful when the sun went down, slipping beneath the taint of clouds that hung over the city. Nerissa leaned against the railing, hunched over with arms resting across the top, a hoof caught on the last strip of piping that made up the banister. She watched the beach, the people fighting on it, practicing from the sounds of it and nothing more. Everyone had a need to improve their selves. Even she does. To learn all she could.....it isn't easy choosing someone to teach her. Least on the necromancy part. Neri wondered often who was going to help her continue her lessons, she's realized finally or just accepted that the best teacher she'd ever had isn't ever going to return to the city and pick up showing her everything he knew. Two...two more choices. Could they teacher her? Have the patience to work with her? She wasn't easy to teach. Stubborn in the way she did things but she always wanted to know. Know all she could. These thoughts in mind, she begins to lower herself, stooped over until finally her head comes to rest on her crossed arms. "So tired...." she says to no one in particular. Neri even doubted the vampires sparring could hear her words under the clash of steel.

She could hear though. Them. The few behind her in the shop. Is she surprised she gave in and agreed to return? She wasn't expecting it. Just standing there on the corner and staring ahead. Still can't help but wonder how long he'd been standing there before she'd finally blinked her mind awake and look up at Arc grinning at her in the middle of the sidewalk. Arcann murmurs softly as he approaches "Returned to a familiar haunt, Neri?" She looks up slowly and shrugs "I wander. As always."

He rubs his chin as he moves over to the cold brick wall, leaning against it casually "I thought, perhaps, that you might have been considering a return. The family has... grown... in your absence." Rissa looks back over her shoulder to the shop thoughtfully. "I've noticed and I thought about it but I feel like I'm in the way within the Coven." She turns back to him. "And I've thought about it..askin' to be allowed back..but what use am I? Really." Arc smiles slightly, looking over to the beach "What use does a family member need to be to a family? Is a small child any less part of his family because he can sometimes be more hindrance than help? We are the Coven. We seek to aid magic users. We do not call people to us because it serves our purposes. We take them in because we serve theirs." Rissa sighs and crosses her arms. "Look what happened when ya tried to find me a teacher, Arc. He left and went to the Shadows. I don't have luck keepin' them.." She shrugs as she reaches up to play at her chain dangling and looks up again. "..Would I be welcome back to the Family then?.."

Arcann Dyrssen shrugs slightly, something flickering in his blue eyes a moment as he murmurs "Then your teacher failed you, not the reverse. We all knew Kaine was unstable. He merely proved it by his vanishing act. That was no fault of yours." He smiles softly "You would be welcome back. I dare say your new sisters would find you an asset to their studies." Neri tips her head a little as she if she's thinking over the discussion. "I've two choices for a teacher outside the Coven..." She chews at her lip as she lowers icy blue orbs to the sidewalk then nods slowly. "If its not too much trouble then..Alright. I'd like to return. I left because I was just...confused and depressed." Arcann Dyrssen smiles, pushing himself off the wall with a shove of his shoulder, moving forward slowly before reaching out to place a gentle hand on Nerissa's shoulder, as if causing her to relax with his very presence, aided, of course, by a little wave of energy that coursed through her system, putting her at ease, or at least intending to "Welcome back to the Coven, my Alchemist. Long have you been missed." She lifts her eyes again to look to him and gives a real if not tired smile. "Thanks, Arc. I appreciate this immensely." She bows her head to him respectfully. "Thank ya, brother." she murmurs again.

Arcann reaches into his pocket with his other hand, pulling out a slightly crumpled roll of parchment and handing it over "If anything, this should aid you in your magical pursuits a little. I cannot teach you the specifics of your magic, but I can teach you its nature. This is the transcript, taken by Calleigh, of the class I held for Coven apprentices not two days ago." The small demon tips her head as she holds it, slowly reading it over with a glance up. " Cool. I'm sure I can put this to good use and try to help out where there's holes for others."


They soon part not long after this and she's left the rest of the day in a small daze, talking to her heart ever so often when she'd had a chance to, always coming ahead with a smile on atleast when they get time to just talk even. Its a good feeling too. Nerissa has come to enjoy her time with him, just savoring one another's presense, leaning and talking or just resting while the other works on other things. She enjoys giving him even the most innocent of company and looks foward to each day that he's time for her. With a smile rising, Neri sleepily rubs her eyes and finally sits up, stretching long and lets out a tired sigh but still she holds that soft smile on her soft rose petal lips; even after leaving Tox and heading home to crawl under the covers, her last thoughts of her aingael.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Decisions

Its been going through the mind for a while now. What to do to change things. Drastic changes. Nerissa's restless had finally risen to a crescedo and finally it hit her. She knows what to do now. The soft tap tap of her pen can be heard from the booth tucked up in a corner of Haven, her pouring over papers slowly. Making notations once more in a corner of pages...actually, pretty much every where. Its going to take a lot more research. She'd be stupid not to go over every thing carefully because this was her life. Her future she's changing. A frown creases her brow as she pulls a book to herself and slowly goes through pages to find what she needs to figure out, reading to herself under her breath. The bar is nearly empty again, one dancer, a few patrons near the bar. There's none to disturb her in her thoughts. He's somewhere outside the city and she sighs when she left abruptly, not even sure he saw her...she didn't even wait around to see if anything was up. Shaking her head, she pushes those thoughts from her mind, not wanting them to cloud her and make her worry. Fret as she tends to do. Sooner or later, its going to cost her and she's going to end up pushing him away with her insecurities.

These thoughts happen to put other things in her mind...a small discussion she'd had with Vulcan the other day. The tapping of her pen's top comes louder at it hits harder the table as if a nervous tick overtook her and she grits her fangs briefly as she shakes her head. Regrets..of getting close to him long ago and falling for him so hard at the time and all she'd caused him. His words of those warning him of her. Her eyes start to water out of the blue and she blinks furiously to clear them so she doesn't have to rub them, give away her emotional state. No..after this, there should be no more tears she's hoping.

Ralph clambers around on her shoulder and she reaches up to her dead little friend, rubbing the mouse between his ears with affection. It was a good distraction for her to collect herself again and smiles to herself, or perhaps even to this little zombie rodent.

Now comes the harder part, to find someone to do this for her. Would Severus do it as he'd said, or even agree with her decision? Or should she go to the Coven for aid. She doesn't want to let anyone know of her decision and if it were possible, she'd do it for herself utterly so as not to have to trouble anyone with her problems and wild ideas. The numbers catches her eyes and she reaches over to the journal, drawing it to her now, looking over the measurements. Its going to take a good while to make the thing and she sighs. "Good thing I don't have to worry about money.."

She closes up the book and then glances over towards the windows, hearing the sound of gun fire outside in the street. It'd been a quiet day for her..odd but quiet. It goes a few hours of her sitting this way in Haven, finally lost to the things going on around her as she figures things out.