One Step Leads to a Great Fall

She sat infront of the small mirror, staring at herself, fingers pinching the end of a needle that she didn't bother to sterile. In her mind, she's went over it several times. It was a waste of time. She didn't know what was going on. The lack of a teacher still made her gut clench up, wishing Osoth would come back to guide her way again. Sighing, her blue gaze lowers to the shiny point and away again to reach over and grab the thick thread she'll be using to do what she intends to do. Its not like she's not done this a thousand times, nor is it going to just smart. The pain will be excruciating and most likely her eyes will be glistening and her cheeks will be wet with tears by the end of it.

Nerissa begins to thread the needle, the silence in her home deafening to her ears, and looks up again at her reflection. She stares at the carrot colored hair framing her pale face, the blue eyes shiny like glass, and then she's leaning foward and beginning the long process of sewing her lips closed. Ever so often, her jaw twitched, clenching in pain, as she pulls the needle through the flesh with a wet sickening sound of the thick thread itself sliding through. It doesn't take long, having plenty of practice, and she sets the things to the side after she'd finished to dab carefully at the blood dribbling from her lower lip and the beads collecting around the threads.

Several days, she's suffered severe boughts of moodiness and she seems to of given up this way. A solution to keeping her yap shut and not snap at anymore of her family. Seems the only time she's happy is when she's in his arms but of late she's seen little of him and left feeling alone and scared for some reason. Her eyes turns from the mirror again and falls on the paper resting not too far from her. Nerissa had become so upset she'd balled it up and nearly thrown it away but in the end she'd set it down and smoothed it out as best she can once more, now grown damp with her own tears during. She can't help but dread for that moment she does what needs to be done...

Later...

A quick trip to the library, she wanders the isles in search of something, scanning the books over slowly before she feels what she wants pulling her. Nerissa goes to the back wall and reaches as high as she can for the book, waiting for it to slip free of its hidey hole and allow her to take it down. She sighs and brushes off the cover slowly, its familiar skin darker with age then she remembers, the lack of being used putting it to sleep. The bound lips curls in a sad smile and then she opens it carefully, stroking the pages away to the sliver of folded paper nestled into the spine to keep it safe until its needed. Gently, she closed the book after tucking the paper into her jacket, and coax it back into its home with a mental wording of apology for not taking it home with her as It desires her attention again. Her brow furrows and then she sighs as she looks at it one last time before she turns, slipping out before Joah or the other Omegan had a chance to say anything or question her motives, and moves towards the south end of town.

The shop was quiet when she sat down on the stoop's wall, but she could feel one of her sisters inside, the spark of a fire spirit whispering its heated words. She wondered at times if Calleigh actually heard it or if it were here to begin with but she pushes her thoughts into silence and sits there. It doesn't take long that Calleigh finally comes out and greats her, her own silence making her sister's worry kindle a flame of annoyance when she doesn't say anything and when she finds out why and that Nerissa refused her the right to cut them away she grew angry with her. She couldn't blame her..she didn't deserve to be a part of their family. Her niche was so hard to settle into that Neri finally gave into her depression and handed over the rumpled paper to the one that seemed to have a connection with the most....she didn't even stay long enough to find out what Calleigh would say when she read it, hurrying off towards Haven where she hid herself up on the second landing.

There she sat, listening to a few talking, another one of her sisters and Coran talking about her husband...this is what she meant the other day...she doesn't know what's going on. No one tells her anything and she feels so lost that it just seemed useless anymore.

Nerissa can't help but worry about the loss of more friends but she's getting use to being a lone more often then not...sooner or later, even Toxia will no longer be her home. Unable to call her back to its grounds..

Which Path?

Tapping a pencil on the spray of papers layering the small round table didn't do any good. There still showed no real path. Small spells. Herbs drawn carefully on another with small notations around them. Numerous scrawling of notes mixed in with it all. The small demon pushes one piece away and takes another from somewhere under the chaos to look over. Neri's fang has made a small grove of raw flesh visible from biting at the spot insistantly without really realizing it. There must be some remote part of her brain aware of her surroundings because there's a certain tempo in the pencil's tapping, as if keeping in time with Haven's music. She sighs to herself and thinks of the very short discussion with Kytara and her brow will crinkle up between as she rolls over things said.

There's no path she was taking but as usual was heading towards the bar. She happened to look up and spot a familiar face, calling out, "Kyt!" She waited with her hands infront of her, lightly gripped and wringing before she slipped them behind her. By the time the Shadow once Omega friend come up, she asks before she can chicken out, "...How did ya become undead?.." She'd already started talking when Nerissa blurted it all out. "Heya Neri.. Sorry was kinda off in my own lil' world... Errrrrr...." she paused a moment, kinda confused..."Osoth gifted me with undeath when I first died becuase of Sabriel... Why? What's going on?" Nerissa Dae lowers her eyes and gives a small shake of her head. "Just curious.." She forces a smile to her lips, as if she's just a little distracted more then anything. "Thanks..Appreciate it."
Before Kytara even had a chance to respond any further, Neri had backed away and turns suddenly, moving away.

Now, she sits in Haven and mulls over that discussion before slumping foward to rest her horned brow against the edge of the table, eyes closed naturally, with her glossy bright orange hair hanging around her face. Of late, she'd been thinking of the trying past where she'd been dead before Sieran had embraced her. Then, her soul was stretched between her and the node and it tugged at her and fed arcanum into her small wounded frame while she wandered aimlessly about, lost and confused. The memory makes her shudder. That's been a long time yet the memories are always vivid at points enough that she cringes.
Could she shed her demonic side and live...or can she have it exhumed..or whatever happens to it..and be like Osoth? A lich? Would she rot? Could she keep herself from injury enough that she'd forever be smoothed and unmarred? Sighing, she finds her thinking of such stupid things anymore. Would it be worth just giving herself to the Light and cross over? Give up her desire to be a necromancer. "Gah...get yer head outta yer ass and just live with what ya got, stupid girl." The words are a hiss barely, hidden thankfully under the music. But she finds herself looking over at an Omegan dancing on the pole. There's a clench to her chest, a pain stabbing deep and she fights the nostalgia of losing her way with them. Shaking her head and giving a small thump of horns to cloth covered wood, she sighs and sits up again to turn her attention back to the papers infront of her. She pulls a blank one out of the spray and leans over it, a faint scratching hiss of the roller ball to her ink pen moving over it.

Can you stop now? I want to get off.

The news brought so much anger and confusion that a headache started to develop. Shock that one of her Coven sister's had been led off unknowingly to a sound beating by the Shadows at the Pit. Nerissa was so angry she wanted to go over there and demand to know what was going on. She wanted to draw her blade and shove it through Jay's gut for being the one to coax Calleigh over there in the first place. A deep growl comes from the small demoness. Her pale features were being to fill out again and the dark shadows slowly disappeared as the last couple of days. She'd exhaused herself and who knows what happened when she'd had to chance a feeding with Calleigh previously that week..since then, she'd been ill. Or just weakened. She was drained more so then usual when the beasts hit the streets and when she'd work arms with her sisters, muscles were left watery and shaking with the fear of falling to her knees. She refused to admit just how tired she was. Cursed that she couldn't lie and getting around the questions weren't as easy as before. But things were improving, feeling a little more alive then before. Nerissa's thoughts were left a little clouded as well, an ache inside her burning because her beloved's touch made her body scream each time. More often then not, she's been sleeping by herself, but she always had something small of his, cherished, made or given..small tokens of affection she clung to while sleeping. Its a constant connection between then, a small sliver that makes her feel safer.

Now though, she doesn't know what to think, Neri taken to wandering again when she's not at the shop. She's slowly getting her skill back, her sparring she's come out victorious each time. But its not going to be enough. She's lost her edge and desire to battle after leaving the Shadows herself and has to work harder to keep ahead of them and out of their reach. Her partners have been equals in skill and sooner or later, she'll have to find someone to help her further. To be prepared.

For now, all she can do is force herself to study what she can, learn as much as she's able on her own. The demon's given up by now on finding a teacher to continue her studies and pick up the slack as best she's able, no matter how long it will take.

A Good Night

I can't remember the last time I'd stayed up so late but I had a blast regardless. Haven was packed, the music was blaring and I was actually putting up a sweat..but then again, I've been feeling this way since I'd latched onto my own coven sister's throat and ingested that lava burning vitae. I don't know if it was her magic of being a fire elemental or just part of her makeup but...omg. I was in agony for some time. The fire in my belly and veins as her blood flowed through me, the burn in my throat as I gulped it fiendishly. That taint from the blood sample was coarsing through it and I felt my gut clench up in protest as it run through my own body and I remember biting my tongue near clean off to prevent from screaming anymore. All I wanted was for the Shadows to use it against me. But that moment gave me also what I wanted to know. Janvier purposely laced a neko's blood with this stuff and made poor Calleigh drink it. I couldn't remove it but with luck that girl's blood will burn that crap out. The last couple of days she looked good and doesn't remember what I'd done. I regretted it. I had to literally put her down to do this when she started acting strangely. An endanger to her or any other I didn't want to take a chance and could only do what I could at that instant.
But, I'm off track! Silly girl, your thoughts are like a 4 year old hyped up on sugar. No..last night was a good night. I danced until Dimentox signed off but during that time, I danced with my beloved. He made me laugh, squirm and giggle like I was a young girl again..then again, I still am young. There was some time that I wasn't there though. I had a nice discussion with someone. Albeit short..and it seems I've reclaimed someone I still care about as a friend once more. I can't say thank you enough for this either..it tore me apart to lose him then but now things are mended to a degree...I'm still amazed he was watching out for me secretly....Yes, it was a very good night. Very goood indeed.

Family Visits

The weight shifts against her and Nerissa looks over at her sire's son, the one she is happy to call 'lil brother'. Nicholas was looking over some big, dusty book he'd picked up out of the pile nearest them, the room littered with more then just it. Hell, she thinks every room is got something of the arcane manner laying around. A scroll, some books, a pedestal and mortar with some dried up looking leaves in it was even sitting on the kitchen counter. She realizes she really needs to clean up but there's a sort of balance to this chaos she calls home. "I thought you would never invite me over." He tells her while thumbing through the pages, sandy brown bangs thrown over his brow haphazardly. Nerissa makes a face and shrugs against him. "I've been busy actually. Can't be here all the time, Nic. Ya know?" She reaches up and picks a scab on the bridge of her nose caused by a punch when she'd gotten into a fight with someone. The sudden swat to her hand has her jaw dropped and looking at him in disbelief. "Dude! I can't believe ya just did that!" Nicholas just looks at her and then turns away. "Stop then. It mars your skin."

Nerissa sits there as if she's trying to figure out why it matters before she just gives up and leans back against him, talking between themselves. She finds herself glad he's there. And stopped hassling her about things. "Tell me?" She quirks a brow and turns her head to glance back at the vampire again, caught off guard by his abrupt question. "Huh?" Gods how she felt stupid when she does that but she was totally clueless. He remains calmly looking at her until Neri finally turns away. "Naw. Nothing to talk about." She tells him as she picks up a semi precious gemstone and tosses it at Ralph who seemed to make its way back to her. The skeletal mouse skitters across the floor to escape the stone and then she's looking away. "Its been quiet..and I ain't sorry to say I'm not glad." Seems people have moved on. Found new loves and she has found herself happy for her decisions. While they talk, she relaxes, playing with a small book that dangles from her throat absently, playing with a small bit of metal that holds it closed. Its just one of several wonderful little gifts she'd gotten and she cherishes them as if they were more precious then a plate of gold. Smiling, she turns her attention with great difficulty from the one that has her heart to the one that carries her Sire's name.

Nightmares

The dreams were getting worse and all we can do is put on a smile and force ourselves to look like all's well. Memories that bring pain of the past, the wrongs done, the people hurt. Then there's the dreams that have been plaguing. Neri's latest one has her jerking awake, alone and in her own bed. The covers had twisted around her legs and she tries to kick them off in that scared daze, looking around her bedroom while trembling violently. She closes her eyes and forces herself to stop. To just breath and calm her racing heartbeat before she can burst out crying. What makes her mad is that she can't remember them as soon as she wakes up. Nothing but an overwhelming feeling of fear. There's a metallic scent in the room and she looks around...blood...as strong as the flowers that bloom at night, the ebon petals glistening still with the dew of night that feeds them. She rubs her nose viciously trying to get both out. But its still there and so overwhelming it makes her belly clench in hunger. Nerissa looks around her room again but it looks as it always had. Sparse in furnishing. A few pictures hung up on the walls, posters, photographs..Her eyes falls on one and then another before tearing her gaze away to her hands in her lap with a sigh. She doesn't remember falling asleep, her bed is still strewn with papers, books and everything else she'd been using to study...such a mess. Gradually, the fear leaves her, finally. She begins to clean up her things on the bed and carries them to the desk already heaped high with books. Her eyes shifts and she looks at the small chest on the right, tucked against the wall and hidden with more books. Her brow furrows, the demon looking hard at it, then she turns while laying a hand on her stomach before suddenly she's running to the bath to empty its contents into the toilet. Oh gods how she hated that feeling, unable to control herself, the nausea that rolled through her making her head spin. Once its all passed she sits back and rests against the tiled wall, eyes lidded while she rests with small tremors flowing through her.

How long?...How long has it been since she fed?...Actually taken in what her body needs. She looks up at the mirror on the wall and picks herself up. She doesn't go to it to look into, she only rises to go to wash her mouth off and her face, feeling the tightness where tears had spilled and dried on her cheeks. Several deep breaths taken as she dries her face on a clean hand towel and looks up. The face that looks back at her is gaunt, shadows under the eyes that shine more intensely then usual. She looks terrible and then she works to cover this all with illusions, so that when she looks back at her twin, its a healthy rosy cheeked young girl. Nerissa takes a shaky breath and then tosses the towel into the sink, finished and needing to get away from the mirror before she punches her twin in the face. Wandering to her room, she paces the floors with bare feet, a soft patter of her steps taking her from one end of the room to the other. She chews at her lip and balls her fists up. This isn't helping, she says to herself, all I'm doing is makin' it worse. Nerissa stops and pushes her hand into her hair, rubbing around her brow and the small horns there, eyes closing to hide the pulsing blue orbs. The sudden chirp of her cell phone nearly makes her jump out of skin and she runs over to snatch it up so it'll stop the annoying sound. She looks at the display window and sighs. Nicholas...how's he know..why's he always seem to call her when she's like this. Its like he knows or something and now she stands there staring at her cell while it continues ringing, reluctant to answer it and hear his quiet voice on the other end. With a heavy groan, she finally flips the front open and silences it with a, "Yeah?..." No hellos, no good evening..just a simple annoyed 'yeah.' "Neri,what's wrong? I know that tone." he says over the line. She can only sigh and turns, walking around with it against her pointy ear. "Nothing..nightmares. As usual." She tells him. No details. No indication of what's going on. "Again?" He sounds worried and she can only chew at her lip, at a loss what to say to him. "Are you alone? Do you need company?" She groans and says with a sisterly tone. "No, I'm fine. It'll all pass and I'll be fine. Just stupid dreams of an overly active imagination." she tells him. Nicholas utters a growl into the phone on his end. "Don't make me go to father." The concern in his voice makes her sigh again. "Nic..I'm fine. I'm not a lil girl anymore. Kay? Look. I'm gonna try to go to sleep..I'm gonna be fine." she sounded like a broken record. He finally agrees to give up on trying to talk to her and says his good nights and well tidings. Such a strange young man..she wondered if he'd grow up to be like his dad. She's almost envious of him, having parents still alive. Tossing her phone on the bed, she crawls onto it and flops on her belly, stretching out and staring at the far wall. Hard to say how long she'd been like that before her eyes finally close and she drifts off again into sleep. With luck, it'll be deep and peaceful...