She sat infront of the small mirror, staring at herself, fingers pinching the end of a needle that she didn't bother to sterile. In her mind, she's went over it several times. It was a waste of time. She didn't know what was going on. The lack of a teacher still made her gut clench up, wishing Osoth would come back to guide her way again. Sighing, her blue gaze lowers to the shiny point and away again to reach over and grab the thick thread she'll be using to do what she intends to do. Its not like she's not done this a thousand times, nor is it going to just smart. The pain will be excruciating and most likely her eyes will be glistening and her cheeks will be wet with tears by the end of it.
Nerissa begins to thread the needle, the silence in her home deafening to her ears, and looks up again at her reflection. She stares at the carrot colored hair framing her pale face, the blue eyes shiny like glass, and then she's leaning foward and beginning the long process of sewing her lips closed. Ever so often, her jaw twitched, clenching in pain, as she pulls the needle through the flesh with a wet sickening sound of the thick thread itself sliding through. It doesn't take long, having plenty of practice, and she sets the things to the side after she'd finished to dab carefully at the blood dribbling from her lower lip and the beads collecting around the threads.
Several days, she's suffered severe boughts of moodiness and she seems to of given up this way. A solution to keeping her yap shut and not snap at anymore of her family. Seems the only time she's happy is when she's in his arms but of late she's seen little of him and left feeling alone and scared for some reason. Her eyes turns from the mirror again and falls on the paper resting not too far from her. Nerissa had become so upset she'd balled it up and nearly thrown it away but in the end she'd set it down and smoothed it out as best she can once more, now grown damp with her own tears during. She can't help but dread for that moment she does what needs to be done...
Later...
A quick trip to the library, she wanders the isles in search of something, scanning the books over slowly before she feels what she wants pulling her. Nerissa goes to the back wall and reaches as high as she can for the book, waiting for it to slip free of its hidey hole and allow her to take it down. She sighs and brushes off the cover slowly, its familiar skin darker with age then she remembers, the lack of being used putting it to sleep. The bound lips curls in a sad smile and then she opens it carefully, stroking the pages away to the sliver of folded paper nestled into the spine to keep it safe until its needed. Gently, she closed the book after tucking the paper into her jacket, and coax it back into its home with a mental wording of apology for not taking it home with her as It desires her attention again. Her brow furrows and then she sighs as she looks at it one last time before she turns, slipping out before Joah or the other Omegan had a chance to say anything or question her motives, and moves towards the south end of town.
The shop was quiet when she sat down on the stoop's wall, but she could feel one of her sisters inside, the spark of a fire spirit whispering its heated words. She wondered at times if Calleigh actually heard it or if it were here to begin with but she pushes her thoughts into silence and sits there. It doesn't take long that Calleigh finally comes out and greats her, her own silence making her sister's worry kindle a flame of annoyance when she doesn't say anything and when she finds out why and that Nerissa refused her the right to cut them away she grew angry with her. She couldn't blame her..she didn't deserve to be a part of their family. Her niche was so hard to settle into that Neri finally gave into her depression and handed over the rumpled paper to the one that seemed to have a connection with the most....she didn't even stay long enough to find out what Calleigh would say when she read it, hurrying off towards Haven where she hid herself up on the second landing.
There she sat, listening to a few talking, another one of her sisters and Coran talking about her husband...this is what she meant the other day...she doesn't know what's going on. No one tells her anything and she feels so lost that it just seemed useless anymore.
Nerissa can't help but worry about the loss of more friends but she's getting use to being a lone more often then not...sooner or later, even Toxia will no longer be her home. Unable to call her back to its grounds..
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