The music always calmed me, letting my body move around, guiding the limbs into their own rhythm while I would twist and spin around. A deep thump in my chest that had nothing to do with the beating heart. For the first few hours of the party I spent on the stage, just mostly enjoying the evening growing later, having a few friends to keep my mind off things. But the later it got, left but with a brief moment to feel him holding me...Sighing, my thoughts stray and I'm left feeling utterly alone again. It swallows me and I feel myself sliding. I wait..I force patience this time. I don't want to be alone and I don't want to give up..Can't help but feel those dark thoughts nag at me, pulling at my heart strings.
I feel the burn in my eyes, the light blurring and coming brighter into my dark pupils as they collapse more from the well of emotions then the shine sinking light into the pinprick of black.
The music carries me. I leave to take care of some quick business and here we are again, dancing with tears streaming down our face. The shadows covers my face thankfully and I just keep my head down while I move around, mostly keeping my back to the others around me.
I try not to think of dark stuff. Put on a smile for them. Laugh at their jokes even as if there's a ball of despair in my belly that feels like a heavy weight. Am I always going to feel alone?
The hour is late and its too much for me. Hard to say how long the party will last in Haven but its time to give up. Go home..bury your head under your pillows and pray for sweet oblivion and dreamless, longing sleep...
....where are you my aingael?....
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